Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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