i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
