Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
