whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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