i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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