All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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