New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
