Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
