I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
