my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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