I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
