you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
