You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
