last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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