I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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