don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
