I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
