Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
