Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I could make wine with my vomit
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
