i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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