Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
