see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
