last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I love having hate sex.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
