I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
