She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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