I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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