I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
