So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
