I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i think my cat just said my name.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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