Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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