I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize