Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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