oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
