My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
