So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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