There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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