you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
