i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
