This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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