I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
