I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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