3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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