i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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