my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
