she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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