i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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