the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
