i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
