I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
