go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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